Tuesday, 6 March 2012

Happy...Sad...Cranky....I don't know

I should be happy, but I'm not. I don't know why I'm not happy. Well I kinda do.
As of today I've lost 10.6kg's in total since the beginning of pre-season. Why the heck aren't I jumping for joy?

A frustratingly small loss of 800g today see's me still in the triple digit's. I was really hoping this would be the week for double digits.
But I'm going to have my little sooky la la moment and move on, (hoping this moment won't take all day). I've been assessing why I'm feeling this way and a number of things have led up to it.
I've hurt my foot (I've self-diagnosed a stress fracture). I'm off to the doc today, but I'm so scared that she'll tell me "No more running". I can't help feel really cranky and sad about this. Cranky at myself and sad that if I have done some damage, then it's Good-bye Fun Runs.

I had words with my sister on the weekend, not really words but she really left me feeling down. My sister is one of those genetically bless human beings. Getting a compliment out of her is like drawing blood from a stone. I was sharing with her how well I was doing and how I was worried that my foot was going to hinder my progress and all of a sudden she started snapping at me that there were other things I could do besides running. I could swim or bike ride....UM YES  I know, I was just sharing. There was no focus on the positive for her and it was all quite nasty, like she's waiting for me to give up. I chose not to tell my mother about 12wbt as she has her own weight struggles and is extremely negative, my sister is really hard on her. So I told my sister instead thinking she'd be a more positive influence, but now I find her treating me like she treats our Mum. My mindset is in the right place. Yes I have my down days (like today) but essentially I'm here, I'm losing weight, I'm shrinking, I'm learning new stuff and I'm loving it all.
I think I am realising my sister is also a negative influence just in a different way to my mother. I think I'll start excluding her from my milestones, cause she doesn't make me feel good about myself. Complete strangers are more supportive than her.

I got an email yesterday from another Mum at school, telling me she saw me dropping off my boys and she was blown away by how good I was looking.....THIS is what I should be focusing on. Not the neigh sayers!

So I'm going to drag myself off to the doc today and I'm going to prepare myself for whatever the news is and I'm just going to have to deal with it, whatever it is

Hope everyone has had a wonderful Wednesday Weigh in xx

PS - Almost forgot, I've lost 12cm off my waist in 4 weeks...YAY

1 comment:

  1. 10.6kg. Is a fantastic effort but I understand the family emotional stress. Some times they can make the emotional trip that much harder. I have chosen not to share my progress with mine and no one has asked. Remember you are doing it for you not them.
    I hope the foot heals quickly.